first trimester worst trimester

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I’m about done with my first trimester of pregnancy. This is a frustrating time to be pregnant, obviously, because it’s exactly what JD Vance would have wanted. Anyway, I wanted to plow through the exhaustion to put some words down so I can remember what it was like. This is scattered thoughts from over the first trimester…at times I was more cogent than others.

What I Was Warned About

• Everyone said the nausea would be bad. I didn’t know quite what that meant, since nausea can take many different forms. I felt like I had mild car sickness most of the time, unless I was in a car, at which point I felt like I had unmild car sickness. It would clear up in the afternoon (“morning” is optimistic, though), and then I’d just feel incredibly tired until I went to bed at 7:30.

• The food cravings were as bizarre as people told me. What would happen is I’d either crave something hot and cheesy, or something very cold, and anything outside those extremes disgusted me. Cold was better because I could choke down some fruits and veggies, but I also ended up eating a lot of pizza and bagels. There were days when all I ate was frozen fruit. You can OD on frozen mangos. Not enough people are talking about this.

What Came as a Shock

These are things I didn’t know would happen, and also things people probably told me would happen, but I didn’t believe them":

• No one will know you’re pregnant in your first trimester. In fact, you might go half your pregnancy without it being visible. This means no seats on subways, no cutting the line, no nothing! Plus all the other pregnancy constraints – no standing in front of microwaves, no participating in medical studies, like, what am I supposed to do on Saturdays?! It also means you may walk around the city feeling like you have this exciting secret nobody knows about it, like I’m Eric Fucking Adams. But mostly, for me, it meant being angry when you had to stand on subways.

• My emotions were up and down. Mostly down. I really resent the idea that women shouldn’t share their pregnancies until after the first trimester because a) it stigmatizes miscarriage if you think it’s something you should keep secret and b) my mental health was so bad that I needed to talk about it. I was sad for women who were keeping it a secret in their first trimester, because I couldn’t imagine dealing with it alone.

• I knew my sense of smell would be heightened. Somehow, I thought this would be mixed: bakeries would be better, trashcans would be worse. No dice. Just bad. I always knew NYC smelled in the summer, but now, I felt it. This city is disgusting! Can someone tell the mayor? For about two weeks, I couldn’t open my fridge. I couldn’t get water myself because the sink in my apartment always smells a little funky (I think this is true for all sinks). My husband had to bring me cups of water and pieces of toast with butter. It was pathetic.

• My exhaustion was not the type of exhaustion that you get when you’re sleep-deprived. That type, you can fix with more sleep. It was the type you get when you have the flu. The sense that you will be tired regardless of how much you’ve already slept. It’s almost liberating – if I had a commitment at night and got home late, it meant I wasn’t any more tired the next day than if I’d gone to bed at 7:30, which I usually did if I didn’t have plans. But I say “almost,” because mostly, it was a huge pain in the ass.

• I was so tired that I’d sit on the couch listless for hours. No shade to people who do this regularly, but this really isn’t me. Walking is one of my main joys in life. Some days I could go on hour-long walks, but some days I’d leave the apartment, get halfway down the block, and decide my legs were too tired. I found it immensely frustrating. I sometimes would feel wide awake and totally able to scroll (thank god!) but unable to stand up. Sometimes I was too tired to brush my teeth. Other times, I had different reasons for neglecting my dental hygiene.

• I barely drove because I was concerned I’d be overcome with exhaustion. My husband was my chauffeur, and even though I’d be carsick the whole time, I would arrive and find myself dreading getting out of the car, like a kid who doesn’t want to start at a new school. I know I’m making my husband sound like a hero, but obviously, it’s been much harder on me. I’m literally incubating this creature.

• I had trouble inhaling, as though my lung capacity was lower. This really freaked me out. My C02 did fall below the reference range on a blood test (which I think is connected, not that I’m an expert), but my doctor told me this was normal for pregnant women. To an extent, my hypochondria dissipated because anything abnormal in my body, I attributed to the pregnancy. I also have doctors appointments about every two weeks, so it doesn’t feel like anything could hide for long undetected. But it will alarm me when I try and fail to take a deep breath. I do NOT like it.

Any silver lining?

• A distinct lack of stress. I was almost too tired to care. And I was particularly lucky on this front, as my first trimester coincided with the election.

• Before pregnancy, I was terrified about cutting down on caffeine. I didn’t cut it out entirely, but I went from about 4 cups/day to about 1.5. This wasn’t a big issue; I was too nauseous for it most mornings anyway, and I was the type of tired where I didn’t feel like caffeine would make the difference.

• When things were really interesting, I could stay up. For example, I didn’t have trouble watching any of the debates. I guess that says more about me?

Anyway, I’m onto my second trimester and looking forward to amazing hair and more energy! If I don’t get that, I will sue. For my friends who’ve been pregnant, I’d love to know if this matches up with your experience.