Additional “National Emergencies,” According to An Authoritarian Who Uses Them as an Opportunity to Impose Tariffs
hey friends, please enjoy this satire piece! also tix are on sale for my next stand up show: tuesday in NYC! with my wonderful friend Isabel Hagen
Additional “National Emergencies,” According to An Authoritarian Who Uses Them as an Opportunity to Impose Tariffs
The weather in Palm Beach in August.
The White House kitchen switched out the Diet Coke for Diet Pepsi.
McDonald’s and their forever-broken milkshake machines.
Any attractive elected female Democratic politician.
Truth Social’s stock price (either direction).
Fact-checks.
Reporters who ask follow-up questions.
Or regular questions.
The whole cankle situation. It’s not a chronic health condition, because his health is perfect. It’s a national emergency.
Books. They’re everywhere these days.!
An immigrant ate his homework.
His Health and Human Services Secretary brought a roadkill casserole to the state dinner. Again.
Someone explained what NATO actually does. After he already dismantled it. Shoot.
Wind. Especially the kind that messes up his hair or powers renewable energy.
Eric Trump. In general.
His wife wearing white to a state funeral.
The price of eggs.
The price of HIMS.
His hairline.
The area between where his hairline stops and where his foundation begins. Actually, this is one we can all agree is an emergency.
His Secretary of State’s mental health. Actually, this one really is a disaster.